People tend to freely dish out relationship and daily advice. While the bulk of that advice is filled with good intentions, there are hard and fast rules in the game of love. If the relationship doesn’t resonate, then it’s going to be bad advice for you
Here, according to our experts, are five pieces of relationship advice that shouldn’t resonate—and that you definitely shouldn’t heed.
1. Spend your money however you want.
You may hear that after a shopping spree, you only need to share that information with your partner if you want to. That the purchases you keep to yourself won’t hurt them.
But keeping your spending a secret could lead to financial fights and your partner feeling blindsided. It undermines that you should be working together as a couple if you want to make it in the long term. That includes financial decisions.
Does this mean you can’t buy even a mocha frappe without their say so? No, of course not. We’re talking big purchases here, not you buying pieces for your Spring wardrobe this year.
2. “Don’t go to bed angry.”
This is something we’ve all heard at least once. But while this sounds great in theory, sometimes an argument or issue needs time to be resolved.
So rather than suppress the emotions, it can sometimes be better to get some sleep and regroup in the morning. Often, after some sleep, you can both approach the situation with a more level head.
3. You should always listen to his mother.
This advice probably comes straight from a potential mother-in-law, let’s be real. They want to know that they still have a place in their son’s life if you’re going to stick around for the long haul.
But this isn’t about what control they’re given, it’s about you. You should be open and receptive to his family if your partner chooses to introduce you, but you don’t have to always listen to his mom. If the relationship does last, that line of thought will only lead to resentment and feeling controlled by her.
In the long run, standing your ground will either earn her respect, and the respect of your boyfriend, or it’ll show you their true colors. If he’s going to constantly take mom’s side over you, then you need to know this NOW before things get too serious.
You can be civil and friendly to your partner’s family without being a doormat.
4. “The kids should come first.”
This may seem like thinking too far ahead if you don’t have kids yourself yet, but hear us out.
New mothers are constantly guilt-tripped by others if they even think about something other than their kids for five seconds. When you always put kids before your relationship, that’s going to lead to problems.
Love your kids (or future kids) and give them the attention they deserve, but remember your partner. He, and your relationship, also needs some attention.
5. “If you’re unhappy, then leave.”
This is probably the most common piece of relationship advice you get, no matter at what stage it’s in.
But couples in long-term relationships and even married couples, from time to time, feel like they want to leave. Even if they end up working it out and have an otherwise healthy relationship. It’s natural for devoted, monogamous couples to occasionally be unhappy.
Problems can be worked on. It’s only a problem when your issues aren’t being addressed or worked on. But when after you’ve both put in the effort to fix them, and they’re still an issue, then it might be time to consider moving on. Breaking up shouldn’t be your first option, it makes it seem like you weren’t really committed to the relationship. -C. Sky