No matter how bad a breakup feels (and it will feel bad unless the relationship itself was so bad that the breakup is a relief!), it’s probably only a five on the scale of 10 worst breakups.
So if you’re trying to reach the pinnacle of worst breakups, you will probably have to do a lot better than name calling and social media shaming. Here are some lessons from historical characters to help your breakup reach top level awkwardness and terror.
(Warning: Do these things only if you’re ready for the fallout. These people were professionals at making their breakups worse.)
1. Start sending some “gifts.”
Are you just sending your ex a whole bunch of weird texts? That’s nothing! You need to send actual objects. In the mail. Take a lesson from Caroline Lamb, who responded to her breakup with Lord Byron by chopping off a chunk of her pubic hair, sending it to him, and requesting that he send some of his back. He didn’t – but he did later send her a lock of his new girlfriend’s hair, which is awful. And that’s not all! Burning in effigies, theft, shouting matches, tell-alls and angry responses to tell-alls accompanied this gloriously horrific breakup. Such an inspiration.
2. That said, send lots of letters.