A common phenomenon going on right now is no matter what educational level millennials have many are not living on their own. In fact, most of us (myself included) have gone back home for a little longer than anticipated. Despite what some of the older generations may say, there’s no shame in it, it’s just how the state of the world is.
That said, living with the folks can have some adverse side-effects on your social and dating life for sure.
Prevailing advice for dating is to tell people that they should move out by 22 and not to date anyone who is still living with the mom and dad after that golden age.
There are downsides, but there are also some good reasons for you to give a guy or a girl in this living situation a chance.
1. Their situation is (mostly) temporary.
It’s not fair to judge someone’s situation just by appearances. No one wants to stay with their parents forever–in fact, probably far from it, even if they’re still doing it in their mid to late 20s.
Not everyone has an easy transition period after college. They may have lost a job, they didn’t have enough money to get out on their own, or a relationship failed. So due to the changed plans, they go home to reassess what to do next. This could take some time. Things might be rough enough that this lasts for years.
If you find yourself dating someone in this situation, it’s not rude to ask them why. If they have a reasonable time frame for moving out, give them a shot.
If they plan to stay with the ‘rents for five years to forever, though, then you might consider moving on.
2. They have a job / are not mooching off their parents.
It’s okay to date someone living with their parents, especially if they have a job. This is a sign that they’re responsible.
A lot of millennials who still live at home get called lazy and just sit at home watching Netflix rather than getting a job. The reality is that most of us are working hard at part-time jobs, or we’re freelancers while we’re looking for something better.
Sadly, just having a college education doesn’t automatically provide us with a job, as we were promised when we were kids. So we’ve got to take what jobs we can, and sometimes that means not being able to support ourselves as we would like.
3. They’re probably good at saving.
A benefit to living at home is that you can save money by not having to pay all the expenses.
If your potential partner has a job, though, they’re probably not rolling in the money. They likely have a lot of bills and loans to pay off so if for awhile, all they can manage are a few affordable dates, don’t call them cheap. Millennials have generally learned not to spend money they don’t have.
4. Intimacy can be… interesting. And sexy!
It could be awkward to be with a guy when his parents are in the next room. When you date someone in this situation, then creativity becomes key and can be fun.
If anything, he could just go to your place if you want to have sex. Just remember if you are at their place, respect whatever his parent’s house rules are. Don’t be afraid to sneak a quick kiss or two or three.
5. They probably value family a lot.
While living with the parents may be looked down on by our elders, there’s something to admire about an individual who is still close to their family. Especially if they accept personal responsibility in the household and are not mooching. They pull their weight with bills, chores, other household needs, and even with helping to care for ill and ailing relatives.
People who live at home, are and should, be helping out around the house and may still, to an extent, follow their parent’s rules. In the process, they probably appreciate their parents even more.
6. Due to the situation, there’s more focus on the person rather than economic status.
We sometimes think of a person’s value by how much money they have. But someone who has a full-time job, the fancy car, and the most stylish apartment can still turn out to be a complete twerp compared to someone who isn’t as financially independent.
Living with the parents removes those kinds of blinders. It forces you to see a person for who they really are.
There are those who live at home and are the typical millennial stereotype, but not everyone should be judged by a vocal few when the majority are not like this.
So go for it, give your at-home-living bae a chance! C. Sky