When you have been in a serious relationship for a long time, it is common to repress your doubts and feelings of unhappiness when the relationship starts to fail. Often, it is just too painful and frightening to acknowledge that you are falling out of love, as you know that ending the relationship will change your life forever. However, it is important to be honest with yourself and your partner if the relationship has become a source of unhappiness, anger or resentment. In some cases, acknowledging your problems can lead you to make changes that will rescue the relationship and lead to a happier future. In other cases, the relationship will turn out to be beyond repair. Either way, it is only fair to yourself and your partner to reveal your true feelings and work out what should be done. Read on to discover the nine main signs that you should at least consider ending your current relationship.
1) Your communication has become minimal:
Over time, couples can become apathetic about conversation, reducing the depth of their communication until they only discuss practical details and mundane facts. This causes a diminished level of closeness, as a meaningful relationship needs personal and significant conversation in order to survive. If you struggle to remember the last time you and your partner talked about anything except finances and household chores, your communication has hit rock bottom. Once you realize this, there is scope for staying with your partner if you share a genuine desire to improve the way you relate to one another. However, if you cannot find the energy or motivation to talk to each other more often and communicate on a more personal level, this is a strong indication that ending the relationship would be the right choice.
2) Discussing the future causes serious arguments:
Talking about sharing your life with your partner should make you both feel happy or excited. You should imagine your goals and dreams coming to fruition, and should enjoy talking about your shared image of the future. If you cannot agree on what you want from life, it is time to give serious thought to the idea of breaking up. For example, if having children is a deal breaker for you but your partner cannot stand the idea of becoming a parent, it is likely that you need to extricate yourself from the situation and find a more suitable match.
3) Arguing has become a way of life:
It is healthy to argue with your partner in certain circumstances, as it proves that you are not repressing your feelings about areas of conflict and it also indicates that you feel a certain degree of passion about your relationship. However, if you spend long nights screaming at each other several times a week, something is seriously wrong and you need to give some thought to whether you want to continue to endure this level of suffering. In particular, you may want to make the decision to leave the relationship behind if your arguments tend to be bitter, hurtful events that are full of verbal abuse and cruel remarks.
4) You find yourself trying to avoid sex:
Of course, some of the possible emotional and physical reasons for a lowered sex drive have nothing to do with the quality of your romantic relationship. However, if there are no obvious other reasons for your aversion to physical intimacy, ask yourself if you even still find your partner sexually attractive. If the thought of sleeping together leaves you feeling indifferent (or even repulsed), this is a very clear warning sign that you may fall have fallen out of love. Instead of lying to avoid having sex, try to discuss your lack of desire with your partner and attempt to work out whether it really is a symptom of a broader problem.
5) You do not miss your partner when you are apart:
While it is important to be self-sufficient and to be able to enjoy spending time apart, something is amiss if you do not miss your partner at all when you are separated for an extended period of time. For example, you should not feel actively relieved if your partner goes out of town to visit family or attend a conference. If you never yearn to discuss things with your other half or never miss their physical affection, consider whether you might be happier if this person was no longer in your life at all.
6) Thinking about the future makes you feel trapped:
If you are happy and in love, you should feel content as you imagine the process of slowly growing old with your partner. On the other hand, if you are not with the right person then the thought of never being with anyone else will make you feel panicked and uncomfortable. When you yearn to escape from your relationship, this is an obvious sign that it may be best if you do find a way to escape from it.
7) You entertain vicious thoughts about your partner:
If you have stopped liking your partner’s personality, mannerisms and voice, it is very likely that a breakup would be the best option at this point. Common symptoms of actively disliking your partner include dreading lengthy conversations, becoming annoyed by the way your partner behaves in social settings, and viewing time spent together as a chore. While no one can be expected to find everything about another person completely endearing, a relationship is unhealthy (and can easily become destructive) if there is nothing that you like about your partner.
8) One of you is forming strong romantic attachments outside the relationship:
Unless you are in a non-monogamous relationship, you may want to consider breaking up if you or your partner has been experiencing an intense attraction to someone else. When your main sexual and romantic focus is outside your primary relationship, your dynamic suffers and your partner suffers as well. This state of affairs is distinctly unfair, and in many cases warrants a breakup. In addition, those who are happy in their relationship seldom have the capacity to form serious attractions to other people. If you or your partner is starting to prefer someone outside the relationship, this is a warning sign that something is seriously lacking within it. In some cases, what is missing may be something that can be rediscovered or created. However, in many cases it turns out that love is what is absent, and this lack is what is prompting a desire to be with other people.
9) One of you has cheated on the other:
An instance of infidelity is an even more obvious sign that you should consider ending your relationship. While it is true that certain couples can find ways to overcome the trust problems and messy emotions that result from this type of betrayal, many cannot surmount this kind of obstacle. In addition, you need to consider what would have encouraged one of you to cheat in the first place. As mentioned above, couples who are happy tend not to feel the urge to stray, and when they do it suggests that they are looking for something that is not available in the current relationship. By Dr. E. C. Gordon
If you’re experiencing pain as a result of a recent (or not-so-recent) breakup, it’s up to YOU to seek out a REAL solution. If you’re still in contact with your ex, click here to see 10 “ugly” mistakes that can ruin ANY chance of saving your relationship. And if you two have broken up and not getting back together, learn how to heal your pain once and for all – and get ready for an even BETTER relationship in the future.