10 Questions to Ask Yourself.
Let’s start out by saying there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are healthy relationships and relationships where you ask yourself “what the hell am I still doing here.” Healthy relationships are those in which couples handle conflict constructively and promptly.
But don’t be discouraged if your relationship is different from your friends’ because every relationship is unique. Here are some questions to help you gauge whether your relationship is healthy or if you should be running for the door.
1. The most important question is this, “Are you happy with the relationship?”
If your answer is no, or if you have to think too hard to respond to this question there is really no need to go any further. Do you smile and laugh with your partner more than you argue, cry, or feel frustration? Do you look forward to spending time with your partner, even if it’s just sitting on the couch watching Netflix? Do you do everything within your power to nurture and protect your relationship? Ask yourself, what’s the point of a relationship if all you’re getting out of it is gray hairs from being stressed out.
2. How well do you know your partner?
Do you know your partner’s dreams and fears? What they want out of life, what puts excitement in their voice. Do they know these things about you? Couples in healthy relationships are rarely blindsided by the fact that their partner wants something specific out of life.
3. Is there any passion?
Once the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over do you still feel passion for your partner? That strong desire to be close to and intimate with your partner? Passion is more than sexual desire; it’s the excitement of wanting to be with your partner and make them happy. If both you and your partner feel passion for each other, your relationship is probably healthy.
4. Can you compromise?
Are you willing to give something up to accommodate your partner? Will your partner reciprocate? The more values, goals, and lifestyle you share with your partner, the less you will have to compromise on big ticket items. In a healthy relationship compromising is done out of mutual respect and trust, not manipulation, pressure or threats.
5. Do you communicate your feelings?
When you’re in a healthy relationship communication is something that happens easily. You feel that you can not only express positive feelings but also negative ones without the fear of your partner getting angry, shutting down, or calling you names.
6. Can you agree to disagree?
Respecting your partner’s opinions and beliefs means giving them room to think independently, even when you disagree. No couple shares the same beliefs and opinions on everything. However, people in healthy relationships can disagree and hold conflicting beliefs without fighting or let their differences erode the relationship.
7. Do you support each other?
I don’t mean always taking his side when he’s in an argument with his friends. But do you take your partner’s needs and desires seriously? Do you try to find ways to help them meet the goals they have set for themselves?
8. Do you like the person your partner is right now?
If you are waiting for your partner to change in a major way, you are probably going to be disappointed. If you are not happy with your partner right now, your relationship is probably not healthy.
9. Are you proud to introduce your partner to friends?
If you are avoiding introducing your partner to your family and friends because you are not comfortable with him, or ashamed of some of their qualities, then your relationship is not healthy. If you feel embarrassed to be in public with your partner because of the way he treats you, your relationship is definitely not healthy.
10. Are your relationship expectations realistic?
Did you enter into your relationship with the hopes of getting married in three months? Did your partner tell you from the start that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, but you thought you could change his mind? Many relationships fall apart because one or both parties had unrealistic expectations about their partner from the start. If you know at the beginning of a relationship that your partner doesn’t want certain things but you believe you can change their mind later – that’s not a healthy relationship.
Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They take work from both parties to flourish and grow. If you are the only one in the relationship trying to make it succeed, then you are not in a healthy relationship. – C. Brown