Ask yourself this question “Do I want to get back with my ex because I truly love him?” Or are you in love with the IDEA of that person?
Should an ex stay in the land of Out-of-Sight-Out-of-Mind for good? Or are they worth bringing back into your reality? Well, the best way to answer that is by finding out whether your reasons for wanting to get back are healthy or not.
First, you need to understand that, in general, people tend to romanticize the past. It’s easy to downplay the not-so-shiny parts of your relationships, especially the breakup. That’s why you should consider the possibility that you’re looking back at the relationship with nostalgia-colored glasses.
It’s human nature, who wants to remember all those horrible times when you fought? It’s natural to push uncomfortable thoughts to the back of your head, but you need to deal with the discomfort nevertheless.
Otherwise, you could just be sticking your hand into the same emotional hornet’s nest that left you stinging not so long ago.
With that, you need to take a good look at the reasons why you broke up to begin with. This is the single most important factor to know if the guy you’re pining for is worth getting back with.
Couples break up for two basic reasons:
– They had vastly different needs, or
– Negative thoughts, deeds, or feelings overwhelmed the relationship
Are you willing to address the issues surrounding these reasons with your ex? It’s a big mistake to jump back into a relationship with him without thinking things through first. You’re likely to repeat destructive patterns unless you replace them with positive ones. Or, at the very least, you should work on agreeing to disagree on your fundamental differences.
Here’s another thought: breakups usually reveal a person’s neediness. This is also why it’s the best time to ask yourself the following:
– Did your existence revolve around him and the relationship?
– When you found yourself single again, was there a vast emptiness left behind? Did it surprise you how wide open your schedule was after the breakup?
– Was there a gaping void left behind that only he or the relationship could fill?
Saying “yes” to most of these means that you might have relied on the relationship too much to validate you.
It could also mean the desire to get back with your ex is coming from a place of neediness or desperation. This isn’t a good foundation for a new relationship. The fear of being alone is NEVER a good reason.
The best thing to do is ask yourself these hard questions while going through the recovery process BEFORE initiating any contact with him. You’ll gain a better perspective once you’ve reevaluated your reasons and cleared your head.
Then you’ll be in a better position to decide whether you should get back with your ex or find someone who’s a better match for you.
So if you have evaluated your situation and believe that you would like to give your relationship another chance click here to give yourself the best opportunity to make your relationship work the second time around.