So you’ve been having a great time with this guy. The guy is really hot…not really the sorta guy you’d normally be into but the sex is just mind blowing. You’re friends know about him but you’ve made it clear he is just a FWB (friend with benefit). But lately, you’ve started seeing him in a different light and you are wondering if you could become more than FWB.
The good news is you can. The bad news is, it will take a lot of hard work. So here are some tips to help you out.
Stop hooking up with him
You need to stop having sex with him now. It won’t be possible for you to think straight while you are still hooking up with this guy. Take a step back and give yourself room to breathe. Carefully analyze your situation and figure out if this guy is truly worth the effort. Remember that converting a FWB is not going to be easy so you have to be really sure you want to convert this guy.
Make him miss you
Go MIA for a while and let him miss you. Three days or a week should be sufficient enough to make him miss you if he was used to hooking up with you every day. Don’t text him, don’t call him, don’t return his calls or reply his texts. Simply go quiet. Catch up with old friends or sign up for a martial arts class or something. Keep yourself busy to avoid obsessing over him.
If he likes you, he’ll start wondering if you are hooking up with someone else or you simply lost interest. Whatever the case, he’ll definitely want to find out where you are, what you are doing and why you haven’t talked to him for so long. When you bump into him just act casual. Say something like:
“Oh, I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. I’ve just been busy catching up with old friends and work that’s all.”
Go out on a date
A FWB relationship normally doesn’t involve dates. You either meet at his place, your place or a nice hotel room where you have a little fun, maybe get to cuddle a few minutes and that’s it. No pillow talk and no “weak” moments where you both open up to each other.
But when you go out on a date, you get to know each other better outside the bedroom. Get to know what his interests are and if he has any ambitions in life. This will give you an idea what sort of guy he is and if you are really compatible.
Give him a challenge and a chase
Don’t initiate calls or texts. Don’t ask him out. Let him do all the work. Human beings value something they have worked for; not something that comes easy. If he works hard to get you, he will see you as someone who is valuable to him. And if he chases you for a little bit, he might start to develop feelings. Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him at this point because you will go back to square one. Who knows if you go back to square one whether you’ll get another shot at turning your FWB into a serious relationship?
Be honest about how you feel
At the end of the day you have to tell him about how you feel. You should be prepared for anything at this point. He might laugh in your face, say the feeling is mutual or reject you. Make it clear that when you hooked up with him you didn’t expect to develop any feelings but it happened and it is what it is. If he says he feels the same way, consider yourself lucky. If he doesn’t feel the same way don’t feel bad about telling him the way you feel. At least you now know you weren’t compatible.
As you can see, there are certain tips you can use to turn a FWB into a real relationship. But you should know that there’s a real chance things might not work out the way you hoped they would. He might get blindsided by your feelings and freak out. You should manage your expectations. written by Jackie K.
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