You realize you’re dating a pretty good guy; you’re just not sure he’s “the one” yet. You’re even a little overwhelmed by his enthusiasm for you and the relationship.
This enthusiasm is okay. It means he feels that you’re the most wonderful woman in the world and that he’s won big. He’ll work hard to keep you, and you’re less likely to stray. That’s not to say he’s sitting there and feeding you chocolate bonbons forever. Eventually, you’ll have to make him a priority too.
But mentally, you might not be there yet. So should you stick around and see how it plays out?
The good news is a relationship where the guy is more enthusiastic than the lady actually has signs of long-term success.
Once, I dated a guy who sent me a teddy bear after our third date. It was wearing a superhero costume, and on it was printed the nickname he had given me on our second date.
To tell the truth, it freaked me out.
If I said I was free, he’d drop his plans at the last minute to see me. He constantly called and texted, even if I’d wait hours (or sometimes days) to get back. I couldn’t help thinking, “Whoa, dude, relax.” I even went on one or two dates in an attempt to cut things off, but each time, I found myself enjoying his company immensely.
But the time was wrong for me. I was newly single, and he was 100% available.
I liked him, so I was upfront that he was moving too fast for me. I felt like we could go somewhere, but I wasn’t ready for it just yet. Together, we came to an agreement to be open about our emotions, and we continued getting to know one another.
I was used to boys playing games. But now, I was dating a real man who could talk about his feelings. Finally!
Within months, I was pretty smitten with the guy. I was able to give equally. A year later, this is the guy I’m exclusive with now.
I’m sharing this so that you can keep an open mind and know that your unbalanced relationship is not doomed to failure.
So let’s figure out what’s holding you back. Is it something about him, or is it more about you? If it’s him, then talk about it. If it’s you, you need to address honestly the issues you have.
How do you want to be treated? You might not have been allowing yourself to feel like you’re deserving of love. If you’ve ever chased after a guy before, you know what I mean.
Newsflash: an available guy is always, 100% better than one that’s not. If you’ve lamented that you hate being played with, only to keep getting sucked into thrilling dramas of guys who keep you guessing, then you may have this problem.
Some women say they wanted to be cherished and doted on, but they continue falling for the bad boys. But the excitement of landing a guy who’s literally or emotionally unavailable won’t last. After the rush fades, you’re left with a boy underneath all the games, not a man.
So before you close the door on a man who PURSUES you confidently and makes his desire for a committed relationship known, consider his core traits.
This is the guy that’s going to communicate his feelings clearly. He’ll always let you know where he stands. He’ll be the one to show up, even when the honeymoon stage is over.
If you’re not sold yet, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do you enjoy kissing him or does it disgust you slightly?
2. When something good or bad happens, do you think of sharing the news with him first?
3. When he doesn’t text or call, are you disappointed or relieved?
4. Does he make you laugh?
5. Do you intend just to call and say goodnight, only to end up chatting away for hours with him?
6. Are you surprised at how fun it is to be on dates with him?
7. Do you feel lucky to have him?
8. Are things just easier with him?
9. Do you feel like he brings out the best in you?
10. Do you feel proud to have him on your arm?
11. If he were to end things, would you wonder what could’ve developed?
If the majority or all of these you answered “yes” to, you should try and stick it out.
But you also need to talk about your reservations with him directly. The way he handles these difficult conversations will show you how he’ll handle future conflicts in your relationship. These discussions also increase emotional intimacy. You’ll feel more connected.
If you give it a fair chance, then you’ll find out if it has any potential. Otherwise, if you don’t, then you’ll never know what could blossom or fall short. If it fails, you just break up. It’s not the end of the world even if it’s hard.
My take-home advice? Be wary of ruling him out too quickly. He may just be “The One.” – C. Sky