After a string of difficult relationships, it’s easy to start wondering if you are the problem. However, it’s a lot more likely that you’re making one of two mistakes. Either you’re chronically attracted to men who behave like remorseless, overgrown children or you’ve not found out what men really need from a relationship. Here are eight things that you need to offer a man in order to have a satisfying relationship.
Most men have large, fragile egos that need careful treatment. You don’t need to tell your partner he’s hotter than every other man who walks the earth or say you’re sure he will be president some day, but you do need to reassure him that he’s attractive, good in bed and competent at his job.
2. Sexual intimacy
In truth, not all men think about butts and boobs every three seconds or need to get laid every day in order to be happy. Nevertheless, men do hold sexual connection in high regard, so working to maintain that crucial sense of intimacy is vital (especially if you want to hold his attention). Don’t underestimate the power of a throwaway sexual compliment or a deep kiss that shows you want him.
If you’ve been with plenty of irresponsible guys, it can be hard to trust a man enough to let him have the space he needs. However, men do tend to need a bit more independence, so do your best to avoid suffocating your partner. You don’t need to smile sweetly and offer words of encouragement if he says he’d like to call that stripper he knew a few years back, but you do need to let him have time alone or with his friends.
It’s difficult to avoid making a sharp comment when you find another pile of dirty underwear on the bedroom floor or hurt your backside on the toilet when he forgets to put the seat down in the middle of the night. The key is to make sure that your man knows you love him in spite of these errors of judgement, and that (at a fundamental level) you accept him for who he truly is.
When you find a man you really like, it can be tempting to hide the parts of yourself that you dislike. It’s great if you make an effort to be optimistic, sexually open-minded and affable, but don’t make the mistake of trying to be perfect. You’ll never be very close to a man who has only seen half of you, so be brave enough to let him know that you don’t like all the same movies or just magically wake up with freshly shaven legs every morning.
6. Belief in his ability to communicate
You might well have been stuck with boyfriends who grunted instead of talking or who wouldn’t even share their emotions if you tried to bribe them with a six-pack of beer and a quickie on the table. However, don’t buy into the myth that all men are unable to communicate. Your partner needs you to give him a chance to express himself and to respect him when he tries.
Sharing your life with someone involves organizing a lot of mundane tasks, but don’t let your life become an endless sea of ‘to do’ lists. Instead of telling him he has an hour to woo you between 8pm and 9pm, allow yourself to be spontaneous and let the fun side of your personality out to play.
According to common misconceptions, men are so stoic that they don’t need comfort or a place to be vulnerable. In truth, men need a woman who will acknowledge and care for this vulnerable side, reassuring them that they are no less masculine for having it. However, if you take this idea too far then you are in danger of becoming a clucking mother figure who seems more suffocating than sexy. Simply let him know your support is there, and let him come to you when he needs to.