When you take your marriage vows and promise to love your partner “for better or worse” some think of “worse” as not being able to buy the big house in the nice neighborhood. So when serious issues in the marriage arise, a lot of people are not equip to deal with them. Hard times come and go in a marriage, but the whole point is for those times to bring a couple closer together–not further apart. Below are some milestones that most marriages will have to deal with and comments from the experts on the issue.
1. Having children
It’s easy to lose sight of your relationship when suddenly there’s a precious new life that depends entirely on your care. Most likely, you should not only rule out sex for the immediate future. “It’s important to talk about the changes happening in your relationship, from lack of sleep to lack of sex,” advises psychologist Lauren Napolitano, Psy.D.
Making sure you’re on the same page, parenting wise, can go a long way to preventing arguments in the long run as well. Napolitano advises trying to stay flexible about how you decide to parent, in order to figure out what works best for you both. There’s no one way to parent. The options are very wide range; from daycare to using the services of a nanny, to figuring out a way to stay at home. It’s about finding out what works best for you, and for your children as well.
The opposite can also have bad effects on your relationship if you find you’re having fertility problems. You may end up resenting one another for not being as enthused about it as the other is. Or if there is medically a problem. “The best thing to do is explore all your options rather than blame each other for infertility issues,” says Napolitano. So don’t lose hope just yet if you’re having problems. Talk to each other about possible solutions like surrogacy or adoption. Stay allied with your goal: to become parents.