I was casually seeing a guy, then I got pregnant. He stopped seeing the other girl he was more serious about to support me during my pregnancy but never committed to me. He told me he would always be there for me and that he was really attracted to me. But he also said he wanted to be sure we would work if we were ever to pursue a relationship.
I wanted a commitment from him, so for months I kept pushing him about his feelings for me. We would be okay for a while and then I would freak out about where the relationship was going. I could see that it was affecting him in a negative way.
Finally, I decided I was going to live in the moment and just enjoy where we were and hope that would give us a good chance to get to the next level. So I did, and we had two really great months where we just got on so well. He treated me how I would want to be treated, as if I was his girlfriend. We spent a lot of time together and had fun and were even physical. No freak outs on either side!
But the other day he informed me that a girl, that he had been hanging out with before my pregnancy (and I knew he had some feelings for) asked him out and he said yes. It has completely thrown me. We were doing so well, I don’t understand. He says he just wants to explore the feelings he has as he is confused and has feelings for both of us.
How do I play this? He still wants to hang out and spend time with me and our daughter (and me alone). He says that any woman he dates will have to be okay with us being close and I will always be more important.
I really want him back and will try anything. But don’t know whether to hang out with him and continue being in that great place we have been in, (I KNOW this dating relationship with the other girl won’t last). Or whether I should back off and give him space… Not let him spend time with me for a while, which is what he has really been pushing for!
Please help! I really want us to be a family.
The easy thing is to tell you what to do… Put it on hold with him and tell him he’s on his own until he’s figured out what he’s doing. It’s harder to explain why it’s the best path.
In fact, there’s a good chance you won’t understand why until much later on. After he’s shown whether he’s really THERE, or just trying to have his cake and eat it too.
You gotta cut him off – cold turkey. Men have this respect mechanism built in where they respect the women that don’t need them – especially when they have the balls that HE doesn’t to pull the plug.
You said: “I really want him back and will try anything.”
He KNOWS this from your attitude, and that’s what tells him he can still have his little harem going on and not commit. He’s not a bad guy, necessarily. He’s just like an eight year old – pushing his boundaries and seeing what he can get away with (women do the 12 year old thing where they test his boundaries to see how much shit he will take).
Send him packing for the time being. He can still opt to show up and be a dad (and REAL man) for his daughter in the meantime. But that doesn’t mean you wait around for him to stop playing his games. He needs to be taught a lesson in respect and integrity, to YOU!
If you want to know how to make sure he realizes you’re everything he could ever want, click here. – C. Cavallo