You don’t have to wait for marriage, or even for true love, but we are all giving it up a little too easily?
Ah, the million dollar question every woman asks when she starts dating a new guy. Should I wait three dates, four months, a whole year, until marriage? Everybody has a theory about how long you should wait. Steve Harvey even covered this topic in his book “Act like a lady think like a man”. He talked about the 90 day rule, which basically says you shouldn’t have sex with a man for the first ninety days.
But here’s the deal about men:
They push you to have sex with them and when you do they start saying you are easy. After all, if you can have sex on the first date you probably do it with every other guy. On the other hand, waiting 90 days or however long doesn’t guarantee the relationship will work out. There are couples who had sex on the first date and eventually got married. Others waited five years or until marriage and their relationships ended horribly. So to answer your question about how long you should wait, think about these factors:
Is he interested in you or in sex?
Figuring this out will help you weed out the players from the serious guys. Players are only there to hit and quit so watch out for them. The last thing you want is to feel foolish every day for giving it up to a guy who was playing you all along.
A guy who is interested in sex is so obvious you’d have to be blind not to see it. He turns every opportunity into a sexcapade. Everything he does, he does it for a reason…SEX. He will take you to the most expensive restaurant because he figured a long time ago it’s what gets women to drop their panties. If you refuse his sexual advances, he makes you feel guilty about it.
A guy who is interested in you won’t stop calling you because you refused to have sex with him on the first or second date. In fact he will pursue you even harder because he knows you are not an easy girl.
Do you feel any chemistry?
Does he make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? Have you figured out if he’s interested in you or not? If you don’t feel the chemistry and he is not interested in you and you have sex with him, your relationship will solely be based on sex. In fact, you will rely on sex to make your relationship work.
Connect with the guy emotionally before you act on your physical attraction. Your deep bond with him will lead to a healthier sex life down the line way after the initial heat dies down.
Are you comfortable with this guy?
How long will it take for you to get comfortable with this guy? Do you trust him? If you are not comfortable with a guy don’t have sex with him. It doesn’t matter how many dates you’ve been on with him. It’s not about the number of dates; it’s how you feel about him. Trust your instincts.
Do you want to truly know him?
Keeping the physical out of the equation for a while makes it so that you have to get to know each other in terms of personality and intellect, without your opinion being clouded by what he looks like naked or how well (or badly) he performs.
Are you ready?
So you are comfortable with this guy, you feel the chemistry and you know he is interested in you but are you ready? If you are still asking yourself this question even after twenty dates then you are not ready. But then again it all depends on what you are looking for in the relationship.
If you are looking for a casual fling and you are comfortable with this guy then by all means, go ahead and have sex when your body is aching with desire for it. But if you are looking for a long term relationship, we recommend you wait a little longer.
We know you were expecting an answer like “you should wait 90 days” or “you should wait three weeks” but that’s not the answer we are going to give you and here’s why:
Every relationship develops at a different pace. Some people take things slower than others. Some circumstances are different than others and we all have different values and personalities. What works for one person might not work for another. So a definite answer here would be a-one-size-fits-all kinda answer, which in reality won’t be realistic or practical. But if you consider all the four factors mentioned here, you will know how long you should wait. – Jackie K.