Society expects a woman to get married and have kids. If she doesn’t get married or have kids then she is not a complete woman. It’s even harder for a pretty woman to get by in life without being asked why she isn’t married with kids. In fact, people think there must be something wrong with her…maybe she has some venereal disease.
So given what society expects of us, it’s not uncommon to find mums trying to hook up their daughters with some guy they thinks would be a good match for them or friends setting up their single friends with one of their old male friends. And when they think your “eggs” are almost expiring, they start telling you to lower your standards.
“You will never get a man at this rate. You’re almost forty. Just take whatever comes your way”
“All your friends are getting married Jackie. When will you get married? I want to see my grandkids before I die”
Then there’s this biological clock that makes women rush to get married by a certain age.
“I don’t want to be running after a toddler at 45 years old”.
“Who’ll wanna marry a 40 year old woman?”
The pressure to find a suitor has made many women give up their careers and aspirations because they want to live up to society’s expectations. So they end up marrying the wrong guy or they marry the right guy at the wrong time and end up regretting it for the rest of their lives.
The pressure to get married can really take a toll on a woman who doesn’t want to ever get married or isn’t ready to get married. So here’s how you can resist the pressure to get married:
Don’t give in to the pressure
This actually sounds easier said than done but think about the long term consequences of getting married for the sake of making other people happy. What about your own happiness? Don’t give up waiting for the right guy to come along. We’ve seen plenty of women get married in their forties and fifties. Take Gabriel Union for example. She got married in her forties. And although she was married before, Tina Turner got married again after 35 years and she was 73 years old. So it’s better to get into marriage when you are a little older and it lasts for a lifetime than rush into marriage and get divorced a few days later.
Shut your friends up
Tell your friends to get off your back with the whole “get married and settle down” thing. Explain to them the reasons why you don’t want to get married. Once they understand why you are not in a hurry to start fitting wedding gowns, they will stop bugging you with the whole marriage issue. Of course not all of them will see your point of view but who cares? As long as you told them your reasons for not wanting to get married that should be enough. You don’t have to keep justifying yourself to them.
Distance yourself from those who don’t respect your decision
We’ve mentioned that there’ll be friends who won’t agree with your decision. They’ll be like “aren’t you lonely without a man?” or “you need a man to complete you” or “you are too independent” or “you think you are too good to get married?” Those aren’t your friends because real friends support their friend’s decision even if they don’t agree with it. To avoid getting into silly arguments you should distance yourself from friends who don’t respect your decision.
Pause and contemplate
Marriage is not a competition. You shouldn’t be competing with your sisters, cousins or friends. Some people feel like just because they got married before their friends, they are better than them. It’s not a race so it doesn’t matter who gets there first. Enjoy your freedom and work at achieving your goals.
Your friends and family members can’t make your choices for you. Once you allow them to tell you how to live the rest of your life you’ll never be happy. Next thing you know they’ll start telling you how many kids you should have, where they should go to school, how many times you should have sex with your husband….you will never catch a break.
When you are ready to take the plunge, check out this amazing video. One of the hottest new dating coaches, James Bauer, created this video to explain to women what the single most important thing is to a man in a relationship. I’m certain that what it is will really surprise you. It certainly surprised me. After he reveals what this most important thing, James then shows you what you can
do to trigger this critical emotion in your guy to draw him closer to you and make him almost addicted to you for the long-term.
What I love most about what James explains is that it’s nothing manipulative. It’s a basic human need that happens to be MUCH more important to men than to women which is why we women so often overlook this…and accidentally send great guys running. Click here to watch the video – ‘The Single Most Important Thing to a Man”