She’s your best friend, let’s call her Michelle, and you’ve known each other since Elementary School and you tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. There’s one thing you haven’t told her. You think she is making the biggest mistake of her life by marrying her current boyfriend.
Michelle is very intelligent, successful, financially secure and kind. Unfortunately, she is engaged to a total loser. Her fiancé is out of work and has no ambition. He appears to love her, but you see the disrespect he shows her and the way he tries to control her life. Michelle does everything for him, cooks, cleans, and she pays his bills while he sits around playing video games all day. He pretends to be ambitious with his pie in the sky dreams. Early in the relationship you casually shared some of your concerns, but Michelle said “he is a great guy who is just misunderstood.”
Sounds familiar? Some women put blinders on when it comes to the man they love and shut out their family and friends’ comments and concerns. Unfortunately, most women feel that they shouldn’t speak up. They’ve been burned when they tried to help before, and they don’t want to risk losing a friend, or they just don’t know how to broach the subject. But you owe it to your friend or loved one to speak up. If she is truly someone, you love then you need to be real and honest with her, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you.
So how do you handle this situation? You have two options:
Option 1: Don’t say anything. Result: You now have a not-so-real friendship because you have to pretend to be supportive of her choice in a husband. You make excuses for not wanting to spend time with them because you see him for the loser and user he really is. You slowly drift apart, and the very thing you were trying to avoid by not saying anything (losing her as a friend) happens anyway.