I got engaged to my boyfriend at my sister’s wedding after party. He proposed to me in front of my friends and family members. Everyone was excited about it but me. The thing is, I don’t want to get married to him and I only accepted his proposal because I didn’t want to disappoint him or embarrass him in front of all those people. How do I break my engagement without breaking his heart?
Well, there are three things here: first, you need some balls to face your fiancé and break off the engagement. Second, you can’t break an engagement without breaking his heart unless you had no real feelings for each other. Third, you have to be ready for some backlash from your fiancé, family, friends and even co-workers.
The good news is that the only person you owe an explanation is your fiancé…period! Don’t let anyone else interrogate you or make you feel any more guilty than you already do. So here’s how you can break your engagement.
Write him a note
Before you jump down our throats for suggesting this idea, hear us out first. Write him a note explaining to him why you no longer want to be engaged to him. It doesn’t matter what your reason is as long as you are honest with him and with yourself.
So if you’ve decided to become a nun because you want to live a life of celibacy then go ahead and write that. After he’s read the note, call him up and organize to meet with him face to face. Clarify anything he wants to know and give him closure.
Write him an email
This is similar to writing him a note. Make sure you arrange to meet with him after he’s read the email and give him closure.
Leave him a voice message
Writing an email or a note doesn’t guarantee that your fiancé will get the right message but when you leave him a voice message, he will. He will hear your tone of voice and is less likely to misunderstand your message.
If you decide to leave him a voice message, make sure you choose your words wisely. Don’t say anything rude or something that will make the situation much harder than it already is. Of course, arrange to meet up with him and give him closure.
Meet him face to face
This is probably the best approach because it cuts through all the bullshit. Sit down with him and explain to him why you want to break the engagement. If you don’t love him or you feel you are not yet ready to get married, tell him that.
Meet in a public place
No matter how long or how well you know your man, there’s no telling what he might do once you tell him you want to break the engagement.
Given the right circumstances, even good people can do bad things. You don’t know how he’ll react. Remember that an emotional wound hurts way more than a physical one.
If you’ve watched enough episodes of CSI, NCIS or whatever crime TV show there is today, you’ll know that people are less likely to commit a crime where there are many witnesses. So even if he isn’t the sort of person who reacts violently, it doesn’t hurt to be safe.
There will be some harsh words, maybe a few tears and some more harsh words. You are breaking the guy’s heart, so you should expect some sort of reaction from him. However, this doesn’t mean that you should engage him in some sort of name calling or shouting contest. Stay calm and let him get angry but don’t make the situation worse.
Give the ring back
If he bought you an expensive ring and the reason you are breaking up with him is because he cheated on you, then you should keep that ring. As a matter of fact, sell it and use the money to go on a shopping spree. But if that’s not the case, give him back the ring.
Breaking your engagement will suck but anything is better than a messy divorce, right?