Is Jealousy Ruining Your Relationship?

Time to tackle your green-eyed monster

Occasional feelings of jealousy are natural. Who wouldn’t admit to feeling a little envious when their partner talks to a beautiful woman? However, when jealousy has a noticeable effect on the quality of your relationship, it’s time to take action before it kills off the love between you and your partner once and for all. Here are some thoughts and tips on how to change your thinking and tame your green-eyed monster.

Jealousy doesn’t solve anything

Although you don’t choose to experience jealousy, you can approach your feelings rationally and adopt a new way of thinking. When he’s out with the guys and you’re at home watching a movie, feeling jealous because he’s enjoying himself and you’re not doesn’t solve anything. Relentlessly questioning him or making him feel guilty for going out and having a good time will not make you feel any better and will only stop him from being happy. The result: He’s miserable and so are you. Admit to yourself that your feelings of jealousy are not helping anyone. Life isn’t a competition, so embrace your partner’s happiness.

Men aren’t all the same

When entering a new relationship it can be difficult to shake off the emotional hang-ups of previous partnerships. If you’ve had bad experiences with men in the past, you may attach these feelings to your current man and assume that all men are the same. In order for you to have a successful relationship it is important for you to recognize that this is simply not true. If your previous partners have done or said things that have deliberately provoked your feelings of jealousy, or even gone to the extent of betraying your trust, do not presume that your current partner will behave in a similar way. Relax and remind yourself that this guy is different and there is no reason to feel jealous or to not trust him.

Work on yourself

Much jealousy stems from a lack of self-esteem. A woman who feels confident and believes that she is worthy of a good relationship rarely feels jealous because she is in control of her own life. When her partner goes to lunch with a female work colleague, she is secure in the knowledge that nothing and no one will compare to her relationship. If your self-esteem is low, remind yourself that your partner isn’t with you because they feel sorry for you. They’re in a relationship with you because you’re wonderful, attractive and smart. Recognize these qualities within yourself and let them shine through. There’s no need to feel jealous because he loves who you are.

Improve your own life

In addition to improving your self-esteem, work on other aspects of your life that are at the root of your jealousy. If your partner has a fantastic social life and you don’t, make steps to increase your circle of friends. Accept invitations that come your way and arrange meet-ups yourself. Don’t sit around waiting for the phone to ring. Get yourself out there. Join a fitness class or a cookery group. Another common source of jealousy stems from the feeling of being unattractive compared to your partner. If this sounds like you, make a change. Work on your weight, buying a flattering dress or go to the hair salon. This may sound superficial, but if it is a cause of intense jealousy, it’s time to do something about it and feel good about yourself again.

Talk to your partner

Rather than allowing your jealousy to cause you to berate your partner for having too much fun, having too many female friends or being too attractive, talk to them. Jealousy is caused by insecurity. Be truthful with yourself and talk to your partner about your feelings. You’ll be surprised at how understanding they will be when presented with complete honesty. If you approach your partner and say, ‘I’m really jealous that you are going out tonight with a big group of friends. I don’t like feeling like this. I really wish I had friends to hang out with,’ they might make moves to involve you more with their friends or introduce you to new people. Your partner is there to help, so talk to him.

Jealousy doesn’t have to dominate your thoughts and feelings. If you recognize that your jealousy is getting out of control and affecting your relationship, bring those feelings to an end using the tips explained here. You will feel more confident and secure and will be able to celebrate the happiness of your partner without letting your inner green-eyed monster ruin a perfect relationship.