Families have complicated histories and problems can be deep seated, stretching back many years. Even if you’re willing to make the effort to try to resolve problems, your relatives might not be so eager to embrace honesty and openness.
Don’t despair. Even if your family members don’t want to deal with the issues, there are things you can do to minimize the impact they have on your well-being.
Find out what’s really upsetting you. The only way to do this is to acknowledge that beneath your anger and resentment lies pain. Think about what your family members might have done to make you feel hurt and let down, then own this pain instead of masking it with anger.
Only after you’ve acknowledged the source of your pain can you follow the advice from Frozen and “let it go.” This might not always be possible, but if you make the effort to dig deeper, you’ll be in a position to start processing your pain in order to move forward.
Nothing to See Here
Once you’ve acknowledged why you feel hurt, you can begin to step away from the drama. Instead of being drawn into old patterns, you will be able to view things in a more detached way by realizing that the only person you have any control over is yourself.
This will help you understand more clearly that your relatives are caught up with their own problems that often have nothing to do with you. Seeing others, especially those who have hurt you, with compassion is the most soothing balm for old wounds.