Find out what’s really upsetting you. The only way to do this is to acknowledge that beneath your anger and resentment lies pain. Think about what your family members might have done to make you feel hurt and let down, then own this pain instead of masking it with anger.
Only after you’ve acknowledged the source of your pain can you follow the advice from Frozen and “let it go.” This might not always be possible, but if you make the effort to dig deeper, you’ll be in a position to start processing your pain in order to move forward.
Nothing to See Here
Once you’ve acknowledged why you feel hurt, you can begin to step away from the drama. Instead of being drawn into old patterns, you will be able to view things in a more detached way by realizing that the only person you have any control over is yourself.
This will help you understand more clearly that your relatives are caught up with their own problems that often have nothing to do with you. Seeing others, especially those who have hurt you, with compassion is the most soothing balm for old wounds.
Unfortunately, there are some hurts that are too deep and traumatic for this to happen. The best course of action in these circumstances is to minimize contact and focus energy on the positive relationships in your life, at least until you are ready to deal with this person and the issues they bring up.
Start with the Person in the Mirror
In cases of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse within a family, it’s clear who is at fault. With most other family conflicts, pinpointing the guilty party isn’t so straightforward. It’s easy to play the blame game, but for real healing to take place, you need to accept responsibility for your role in family dramas.