Letting Him Go

Alysia Abbott fell in love with a guy (Jeff) who later wanted to get back with his ex. When he told her, being a strong willed woman though scorned she agreed to it without any drama.

I met Jeff at a birthday party that a friend had in New York.  By the way he introduced himself I could tell that he was trying to impress me and even as we walked out that night his interest was obvious. I was single coming off a relationship with Jason, who you could mistake for Bradley Cooper. Apart from that he was tersely moody, and though first I thought that was attractive there were frequent breakups and reunions and by the time it ended I was 29. Being single I had the chance to ask Jeff out on a date, and we later met in the East Village in Manhattan where a Ukrainian dinner was organized. This was on a January night, and as we ate hot borscht, we chatted and passed jokes on how first dates always seem to be an answer and question affair. Jeff responded well and with my mind certainly set our relationship flourished.

During spring, we spent a lot of time together, attending dancing classes and even going up to a friend’s house where we became one. Jeff was an affectionate and expressive guy and therefore falling for him seemed very easy. Jason never came to mind and besides with Jeff I was sure of his feelings and our new love was blossoming.

I used to have many male friends before and, therefore, when I learned that Jeff used to call Christine her former flame weekly just like Jason on my part I was not worried about anything. Well, things only changed when Christine got a job at Jeff’s design firm, and it turned out that it was him who arranged it. As much as Jeff assured me that nothing was going on between him and Christine I could not help but be worried because they worked in close proximity and therefore saw each other a lot.

Well on a Thursday before the Memorial Day weekend when I was supposed to travel to Illinois to attend my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary things went wrong for me. Jeff broke up with me citing that Christine wanted him back. He broke the news to me when I went to his office where I found him dazed and confused and immediately sensed something was not right.

Well, I was dejected and even Jeff’s assurance that we would be back together in two weeks time did not sooth my pain. I spent the entire flight time crying had swollen eyes and made excuses to my family that I had allergies. All the time I was hoping that Jeff would call or e-mail me, but nothing came and alone in my room I cried for hours. My hope then was that Jeff would choose me over Christie. It with this thought in mind that I emailed him telling him how I spent my weekend and even signed the mail with his nickname Petey. I refrained from touching anything relating to Christi as this I presumed would alienate him further.

As much as my roommate Andy comforted me with Julie Christie movies back in New York advising me that Jeff was not worthy of my time, my love for him was greater. I wanted to give him space because I realized he was going through what I had undergone before. I was sad all the time and though the pain of losing my parents through AIDS ten years ago was greater, the thought of losing Jeff tore me apart. Even  though I had no control over Jeff’s feelings I could only hope that he comes to me. In my condition, my manager gave me a break from work and the entire time I was waiting and when Jeff eventually communicated through email on a Thursday suggesting that we meet at Tompkins Square Park I was eager.

On the meeting day, Andy mused over my outfit wondering why I was so concerned. Not really minding his remarks, I wore a jeans short, navy striped halter and adorned red lipstick, and I went over to meet Jeff, who looked excited to see me. As we strolled across Brooklyn Bridge, I knew that his mind was made up, and I knew that Jeff had not asked me to meet him for a breakup. I was happy, and even when I went back to my apartment that night I was not surprised when Jeff called wanting to come over to relay the news that he had called it quits with Christine.

That night Jeff cried, and I knew that much of it was mostly because he knew Christine was gone for good. As much as I was hurt seeing him mourn over her, all I could do was comfort him and offer him my love. Though I was angry with pride, I knew this would not help matters. And I knew that to move forward from then on and revert to how our relationship was I had to help him forget Christine completely.

Cat Power was always our favorite song, but that night Jeff asked me to play him Metal Heart. Cat power usually reminded of Christine and therefore Metal Heart was a good choice, and we played it over and over in my room with Jeff sobbing all through it. And every time it stopped Jeff wanted it played once more. Eventually exhausted we crawled into bed and slept.

Jeff was later confessed to me that that night when he broke up with Christine and I did not turn him away; he loved me even more than he had ever had before. That night in the dark room with Metal Heart playing he felt closer to me. To him the he made the correct decision and a year later after that incident we moved together into Jeff’s house. It has been nine years now since we have been married, and Cat Power is still our favorite song. We still play it more often.


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