Whatever we believe is true about ourselves, even on a subconscious level, will cause us to attract partners who will mirror that belief back to us.
Do you think you’re too emotional? You’ll be doomed to attract a partner that can’t handle your emotions (or probably even their own).
Do you believe you’re stupid? You’re going to find a partner that agrees with you.
Do you have doubts that you aren’t good enough to be loved? Then you’ll find yourself in a relationship with people who, no matter what you do, will not be able to love you.
Here’s a story a good friend told me and I want to share it to really get through to you guys:
In her early twenties, my friend thought she was too emotional. She thought she was too sensitive and that her feelings were just a burden on everyone else. She would judge herself for crying during a movie or television show, even if others were crying too. She said she would have so many negative thoughts swirling in her head of perceived weaknesses in herself.
And, shocker, during those years, she exclusively attracted partners who also thought she was too emotional.
They might never have said it verbally, but they would emotionally shut down whenever her emotions bubbled to the surface.
She felt that she didn’t deserve love because of her perceived character flaws, so she attracted partners who, either consciously or not, agreed with that belief.
Now, replace ‘too emotional’ what whatever you think your thing is. Give it some thought if necessary but it’ll correlate with problems you have with people you’ve dated.
Too much. Too sensitive. Too logical. Too chaotic. Too boring. Too stupid. Too slow. Too sexual. Too rigid. Too much of a partier. Too talkative. Too bossy.
Whatever it might be, if you judge yourself for it, you’ll continue to attract partners that will mirror that disdain back at you like a mirror.
So how do we break this pattern?
We’ve got to make this pattern stop. Become aware of what your thing is and learn to love and accept the thing that we’ve been judging and criticizing ourselves for all along.
Whatever the thing is, we’ve got to accept that part of ourselves fully, and only then will we find someone that will accept us fully. So you’ve got to start by accepting that part of yourself that you hate, and replace that hatred with love.
As we begin to see that flaw as the gift that it is, our partners begin to magnify that love, and it becomes just another character trait. If not love, then, at least, treat it with ambivalence. If you can get yourself to a place where you don’t care if you cry a lot, or that you’re a klutz, or accept that you’re not as whatever as others, then you’ll attract a partner that won’t care about those things either. They’ll love you because you love and respect yourself just as you are.
So begin to see yourself, your entire self, as the lovely, human creation that you are, and don’t be surprised if you start attracting some of the healthiest, most deeply connected romantic partners of your entire life. -C. Sky