All relationships are clearly not meant to be. Only a few really deserve your time and your efforts. Sometimes we have clouded judgment and fail to recognize warning signs that are clearly apparent. Everyone deserves to love and be loved in a relationship. Often relationships start out wonderfully and turn sour while dating. You should invest your time with those people who respect you and will treat you well. Yet, sometimes we may overlook some of the warning signs that may save us much heart ache in the end.
1. Physical Abuse – physical abuse should always be a deal breaker. Early signals may be extremely rough play where you end up bruised. Other early signs are pushing, shoving, or playfully hitting you too hard. These are signs that he is physically aggressive and doesn’t mind hurting you.
2. Emotional/Verbal Abuse – name calling (no, we aren’t talking about terms of endearment) such as you’re a fat slob, you’re ugly, or anything that doesn’t promote good will is inexcusable. If such terms are being used towards you, drop that person, they do not respect you. Having that person say that they didn’t mean it, or they were joking isn’t an acceptable excuse.
3. Emotional Roller coasters – avoid people who love you one day, and want to break things off the next day. This person is unstable, and will only continue this cycle as your relationship continues. A person who does articulate mixed messages isn’t emotionally mature enough for a relationship.
4. Lying – you deserve to be in a relationship with a person who will tell you the truth. Avoid anyone who tells outright lies. If they will lie about small things, they will lie about larger things. A person that loves you will respect and not lie to you.
5. Inaccessible – They will not give out phone numbers, address, or employment information. Someone who is not willing to give you a way to contact them is trying to hide from someone. Perhaps they will only give out their cell phone number and nothing else. Perhaps they will only allow you to call at certain times, and not at others. All of these are warning signs that they are trying to keep themselves separate from you.
6. Too Controlling – your partner is overly concerned about activities that you do when you are away from them. They need to know where you are at all times, they may call you several times a day while you are out checking up on you. Be cautious if someone must know where you are at every waking moment, and needs to constantly check up on you. They may need to do this simply because they are insecure, or they may be seeing someone else, and want to verify that you aren’t going to infringe upon that other relationship.
7. You’re the one trying to work on the relationship – if you are the one that has to maintain the contact, apologize, and keeps the relationship going, you are working too hard. Relationships are two way streets; both parties need to be involved. If you are involved with someone who can’t pick up the phone, send an email, or come and see you, move on. The other person isn’t interested in you enough to make the effort.
8. How do they treat others? Does your partner treat other people well? Do they treat servers in restaurants with respect? Do they speak nicely to their own family? Do they talk badly about their friends behind their backs? Remember, the person you are with will eventually treat you like they do everyone else.
These are general warning signs. You may have your own must haves that a potential partner must meet to be in a relationship with you. Make sure you move slow enough to see these warning signals before you fully engage your heart. Above all you deserve a stable relationship with someone that you respect, and that other person respects you. If you must question yourself, ask yourself this, if a friend of yours was relating some of these red flags to you, what would you say? If you would tell your friend its time to move on, move on to someone that will give you the relationship that you desire. -Lisa P.