Recently, a few good friends shared some really awful ideas they have about relationships.
After a little digging, it turns out that sometimes the real problem are the erroneous myths about how things work in a relationship. Truthfully, no one has handed us a manual on how to act when we’re in love. These mistaken ideas are so wrong that believing in them creates problems that may not be present.
Here are seven common myths about relationships that can lead you straight down the road to a breakup:
1. Thinking marriage will magically transform the relationship.
Even if have never been married, then you may have this deep-seeded belief that marrying the partner you’re dating will magically fix all the issues in your relationship. This belief is emphatically wrong.
The truth is, your marriage won’t be any stronger or healthier than the relationship you have now. So if your relationship is good, you’ll have a good marriage. If there is mistrust, infidelity problems, abuse, money problems now, then you will have those same problems when married.
2. In healthy relationships, you don’t fight.
You and your partner might be close, but you may not agree with everything. You may have disagreements and a lot of conflicts.
A good relationship is more about the way you handle conflict than the presence of it. You shouldn’t agree with your partner all the time. If someone says they never disagree with their partner, that says more about the relationship than rip-roaring arguments.
3. Good relationships are easy ones.
I think this myth harkens to a lot of rom-coms that fail to show couples coping with their problems, or misunderstandings, or just dealing with boredom. You may not sail smoothly through life together all the time, and that’s the hard truth that a lot of people just don’t get.
4. With enough hard work, things will get better.
Sadly, when a relationship becomes fractured, it’s sometimes a permanent situation. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t, at least, try to work things out if both you and your partner are willing to do it, just accept that significant issues, like trust, infidelity, and incompatibility, may not be able to be repaired.
5. They intentionally hurt you.
Most mistakes that arise in relationships made by someone is about them–not that they meant to be malicious toward you. Most people are going to go out of their way to avoid hurting the other person (even if they fail miserably). Even with cheating, it says more about the cheater in question, not the partner they’re cheating on.
In the case of benign screw-ups, it’s more likely that you have a problem with them being clueless rather than evil.
6. If you just had enough (money, time, kids) things would work out better.
When we go through bad times, it feels like external forces are the real reason for things not going well. External forces can put pressure on any relationship, but don’t fall for the idea that if you just had that thing, or if that one conflict could be resolved, things would magically get better. This belief is similar to marriage fixing things.
7. If they love you, they will stay no matter what.
This myth is the most dangerous myth on the list.
Believing “love conquers all” and letting yourself behave at your worst is the quickest road to a breakup. This also goes for letting yourself go or dropping your standards and thinking that since someone loves you, they’ll tolerate bad behavior or your sudden lack of consideration for their needs.
Everyone has their limit and even if it’s true love, there’s a line that everyone can’t cross. – C. Sky