It probably would have been better if love and relationships were as cut-and-dry as science. Take this ingredient, mix it with this other ingredient and voila, you have the perfect relationship. Unfortunately, this is not the case, and today’s dating culture has left us largely fumbling when it comes to dealing with each other.
Let’s look at a few things that might be ruining your relationship.
1. Keeping score.
You’ve heard about the relationship scorecard in one way or another and without a doubt, have kept one of your own at some point.
This is what happens – one of the people in the relationships does something wrong. Maybe they say something out of line, act in a hurtful manner or do something which the other person doesn’t approve of. But instead of addressing the issue or letting it go, you make it a card that goes into your log with the sole intention of pulling out or using this card at some point in the future.
So, she showed up late to your friend’s birthday party? Why not bring up this incident three years later when she asks you to attend a dinner that you don’t want to?
The above situation, or some variation of it probably sounds familiar to you. The relationship turns into a balancing sheets of rights and wrongs where each person is trying to make lesser mistakes than the other so they can hold the moral high ground. If you’re spending all your time trying to be less guilty than your partner, you are already down a completely wrong road.
How to fix this – Unless some situation is actually related to something that happened in the past, stop bringing it up. If you have a burning problem that you need to talk about, don’t wait until you end up in one of these situations where you can guilt the other person into talking about it. If it really hurt you that much three years ago, you should have talked about it three years ago. Let it go.
2. Being passive-aggressive or trying to drop subtle hints about your desires.