Stop Wasting Your Time

Heed the signs! Your time and energy are valuable commodities.

No doubt you have been here before: you are dating a guy and for the first few weeks everything is going great, but suddenly you hit the three-month anniversary and it still feels as though you barely know each other. You notice that you are still his once-a-week girl, and there are no signs of a deeper connection in your future. Now you are sitting with yourself and wondering if this guy is worth staying invested in or if the time has come to leave. To help you make your choice, here are five signs he is just not worth your time.

1. He isn’t responsive to you.

Look at how long it takes him to text you back on average. If you can reliably text him at any reasonable moment and hear back within the hour, you have a guy that is into you. If you can expect a 12-hour wait even when you know he is taking the day off to laze around on his couch eating chips and watching movies, you can assume you are low on the priority list. If you frequently spend days waiting for his responses, you have a guy who is disinterested, completely self-obsessed, or cheating — and not on you, but with you.

2. He doesn’t make an effort to see you.

Once you do hear back from him, ask him when you can see him next. If he enthusiastically tells you he will be available in the near future, you are a priority. If he finds time for you within the next week, he is making time to see you, although he is probably not seeking a relationship with you. If he refuses to give you a specific day and time to meet, or says he will have to get back to you, chances are he’s trying to keep his options open and you on the hook.

3. He doesn’t make an effort when he sees you.

When you finally do get to see him, how does he present himself to you? Do you spend most of your time together at his messy apartment? Does he answer the door in his sweatpants and invite you to sit on the sofa surrounded by crumbs and empty soda cans? Does he smell nice or does he reek of last night’s onion dip? You can usually tell how much a guy cares about you by how well he cleans up, or doesn’t clean up, when he knows you are coming over.

4. He doesn’t make an effort for himself.

As you have started to get to know him on a personal level, you have hopefully learned what he does for work, what his hobbies are, how his relationships with his friends are, and what some of his goals and passions are. Even if you have found a guy who seems genuinely interested in you and who responds warmly to all your advances, if he fails to take care of himself, has reached a stagnant place in life, or refuses to improve areas that he is unsatisfied with, he is definitely not worth your time.

5. He tells you that he isn’t.

Sometimes, guys are upfront and direct with either their actions or their words. If you are wondering whether you have a future with this guy, listen to him; chances are, he will tell you. Some guys tell you they are disinterested in a relationship. Others will tell you they are in a bad place in their lives and working on some things. Others acknowledge their addictions or their vices openly. Some will blatantly share their negative opinions or criticisms of you. If a guy is in a bad place, wants to stay single, or criticizes you unfairly with unsolicited opinions, then consider finding another use of your time.

Dating can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. Half the battle in getting to know someone is establishing his motives and evaluating the chances of a future together. If you are questioning whether he has a place in your life, he most likely doesn’t. You are always free to pursue a relationship with him if you decide he is worth it, but there is no shame in walking away as soon as you feel he is wasting your time. -mhoppal