If love is the foundation of a relationship, the keystone is communication. One reason for the failure of a partnership is the perception that men are not good listeners. There are ways to insure that this doesn’t become a problem in your relationship.
This first bit may be a little hard to understand: but sometimes to men, it’s like their woman is speaking in a foreign language, and they need an interpreter. Finding a song or film which illustrates how you feel about a situation and sharing it with a man may help him to understand. Men are notorious for separating the facts of a situation from the emotions that usually accompany it. So an external representation of your internal thoughts or feelings on the matter will help him to pair the two and open the door for further discussion. For example, a romantic song about being alone with the one you love will open the door for a suggestion for an evening away.
If he seems distracted when you speak, that doesn’t always mean he isn’t listening. It can however be a sign that he has other things going on in his mind that he hasn’t processed yet. Men are simple creatures. Trying to fit 10 pounds of information in a 5-pound brain, you have to expect something will be lost along the way. A little patience in this instance can go a long way. When asking if he has time to talk, saying “When you have time, there is something I would like to talk to you about” works best. Then sit back and wait for him to sort through the clutter and make space for you.
Finally, remember that connecting to a man’s listening center sometimes requires a combination of other senses. Touching a man on the hand, leg, or face is a signal that you want his undivided attention. Perhaps the most effective of these is the face. A soft touch used to draw his eyes toward you and speaking softly will work wonders. Men are not used to such gentility and are often intrigued by it. Once you have his interest and command of more than one of his senses, speak honestly and plainly. Men do not process hints and ambiguity well.
Whenever you’re having a hard time getting through to the man in your life, remember that hearing and comprehension are not always the same thing, any more than seeing is believing. Help him to connect the facts with the feelings through music. If he has other things on his mind, let him know you need his time, and then give him time to make space for you. When all else fails, engage more than one of his senses, touch him, pull his vision and focus toward you and speak softly. Practicing these things will help to make communication easier and your partnership stronger. Just remember to use these techniques with the foundation of love, and he’s yours. By Britton Spyker
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