What He Means When He Says You’re “Too Needy”

Did your guy just tell you that you’re too needy?

First, ouch!

Second, before you get mad (or worse, hurt) did you ask him what he really meant?

Far too often, when people fight, it’s due to a misunderstanding. We dismiss our partner’s use of default, dumb phrases as just another insult intended to wound. But is that really what he meant to do?

Often, “too needy” is just a catchphrase tossed around like “you’re crazy” and “you’re just like you’re mother.” As a result, it’s easy to assume that every time such a phrase escapes his lips, he’s a complete prick.

It’s sad but true ladies. Some men just fight like that. They throw around catchphrases as though they’re curveballs. So how do you respond to that?

If you’re in a relationship that you value, “you’re too needy” is a phrase you don’t want to dismiss with just a dumb fight. Him saying that is often warranted to some degree. Ignore that fact and you’ll just create a volatile relationship.

So when a man says “you’re too needy” what he often means is something else. Here are some behaviors that men might see as ‘needy’ and what women may see as normal:

1. All you’re social life centers on him.

Ladies, guys often fear losing their ‘freedom.’ In a relationship, you crave security, but more often than not, guys will fight that feeling and want to keep their options open.

In order for him to meet you, at least partway, then you’ve got to meet him partway too. Let him have some time to himself or with his buddies without you giving him a hard time. See your own friends more often. Plan days with the girls and leave him alone to his own devices. You’ll not only be making him feel more secure about the relationship, but you’ll find that it gives you added perspective, spending more time with your friends.

2. You analyze him too much.

You look too much into his actions. Sometimes he hangs up the phone before he says he loves you. Sometimes this just means he’s busy, or he’s just preoccupied. Maybe he just assumes that you know he loves you, and he doesn’t need always to say it.

You don’t need to automatically jump to conclusions that you’re heading toward a breakup if he misses one or two times telling you that he loves you.

3. You cling to him in public.

Unless you haven’t seen him in awhile and just automatically attach yourself to his person when he enters a room in public, you need to stop doing this right now. Yes, most people are going to know you’re together, and there will be some who don’t, so what do you have to prove? If this is about trust, then ask yourself, why are you with someone who you don’t trust?

4. You have to know where he is at all times.

Do you have to text him regularly to know where he is? Do you keep constant tabs on him? Whether it’s insecurity (again, the trust issues) or boredom, then you still need to stop doing this.

Either way, it’s a problem with you, and you need to fix it, not him.

5. You continuously grill him about other women.

If a random woman says ‘hello’ to your boyfriend, do you need to demand who she is, how he knows her, and if he finds her pretty? If so, then you have this problem.

That interrogation becomes tiresome very quickly.

If you analyze these behaviors, you’ll see that this is less about giving your guy necessary freedom (which you should), but also learning how to trust him. The best way to do that is to have open communication and to rein in that neediness. After all, your relationship should, at the very least, include love and pleasure. Being joined at the hip does not prove, nor qualify, either.

If none of the above concerns apply to you, then yes, when he says “you’re too needy” he just wants out and you were dating a boy after all, not a man. Just let him go. -C. Sky