Nice, for a lot of women, has become synonymous with things like boring, passive, and unromantic.
Or worse, women can be suspicious of guys for having ulterior motives or being “fake” nice guys. Instead of pushing real nice guys to try harder, this is instead perpetuating the old saying of “nice guys finish last.”
It’s unclear how this happened. Are the popular 80s and 90s RomComs to blame, where the cool nerdy guy rarely got the girl? Is it because popular culture and even social media have made a whole “strong versus weak” men argument?
Take Scandal, for instance, Fitz is seen as the weak one because everything is handed to him, but Jake has struggled harder and killed people so he’s obviously the better partner when in reality Olivia should dump both those jerks and move on.
Or is it biology? Women being neurologically in tuned to looking for traits in men that will ensure their offspring will be good looking, provided for, and protected? (Good looking being equivalent to healthy, in this case, when as we know now with better medical knowledge, that’s not always the case, but it could be how we’re hardwired nonetheless.)
Is media really to blame, or have women simply taken Hollywood’s version of the bad boy/strong male and combined it with our biology’s version of what those qualities make in good mates?
Whatever the reason is, women have gotten it all wrong, and nice guys are getting a bad rap for it. This means that both men and women are losing out because of it.
This lie that women have been fed that only a “bad boy” can provide enough passion and power to make women feel like real women. This has resulted in women erroneously associating sexual passion and a whole lot of emotional drama with love.
While the excitement of being with a bad boy can be intoxicating in the short term, these relationships typically end in confusion, heartbreak, and even trauma.
A real nice guy, on the other hand, is more likely to demonstrate their strength and passion over time. They won’t be in a hurry; they may not even be super charming and sweep you off your feet. But they know who they are, their place in the world, and what they’ve got to offer. They don’t need to be on the center stage. They don’t need to be the fastest, loudest person in the room. They merely need to be appreciated for who they are and what they can bring to the table.
Which is often more substantial than the ‘bad boys’.
So don’t underestimate the nice guys. Remember that “slow and steady wins the race.” Both women and men need to re-calibrate their definition of what makes a man strong and powerful. I’d like to offer some ideas.
Here’s what I’d like to tell other women. Good guys can be great men because they:
1. Have integrity
They say what they mean and do what they say. They don’t play games.
2. Care about others
They’re the opposite of sociopaths. They have compassion and empathy for others; that’s true and not a show put on to trick the ladies.
3. Desire to protect you from harm
They don’t just rush to save you from harm though that’s nice in itself. They understand the impact of their actions and act accordingly.
4. Are supportive
They want to support you in getting your needs met, and the only thing they ask in return is to be treated the same way. There is an even give and take that helps your relationship grow.
5. Understand what creates passion and intimacy in the long run
And no, it’s not how good he is in bed (that’s a real plus if he is). He knows that trust is the name of the game.
There are other things that make nice guys great, but these are things I’ve found to be some of the key factors that set them apart from the “bad boys.” – C. Sky