5 Reasons Not to Forgive a Cheater

If yes, you shouldn’t underestimate how this influences your spouse. They could be getting an internalized message that cheating is acceptable or just part of life. Watch to be sure your partner is spending time, especially nights out, with known cheaters. You don’t want to be controlling, but if he or she isn’t responsive to your concerns, then it might be a red flag. If this behavior continues, a cheater will be at risk for ongoing improprieties.

2. Are they good at compartmentalizing?

To compartmentalize is often a defense mechanism that people use to separate internal conflicting thoughts from one another. People have a tendency to compartmentalize parts of their lives so they can better control stressors. For instance, we may act a certain way at our jobs, another way around family, and yet another way with our family.

If your spouse compartmentalizes a lot, this could be a bad sign. While it’s not necessarily a bad thing–successful people use it to get ahead in the world–sociopaths are also known to be exceptionally good at compartmentalizing.

3. Are they expressing enough guilt and genuine remorse for the affair?

In therapy, most cheaters will honestly feel guilty about their affairs and want to make amends. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean the cheating behavior stops. Some people don’t feel regretful in the slightest–they may see the affair as justifiable ramifications for the marriage being bad.