These days, most women are aware of the common signs of an abusive man. Most women know to be on the lookout for men who isolate them from loved ones and guys who fly into a jealous rage at the slightest provocation. But did you know there are other, more subtle signs that can save you the time and misery of entering into a doomed relationship?
The victim is an expert at shifting the blame for his misfortune onto those around him. Did he get divorced three times? That’s only because his ex-wives were crazy gold diggers. Is he stuck in a dead-end job? That’s only because his boss is a jerk who refuses to promote him. Beware of a guy who has a tendency to explain away his bad luck; the victim will soon be blaming you for his life’s circumstances. You can spot the victim by his failure to accept responsibility, his tendency to live in the past, and his habit of playing “woe is me.”
You know the charmer. He is the guy who is the life of the party, the man who people can’t get enough of. He knows all the right things to say and when to say them. While there’s nothing wrong with a guy who brings excitement to your life, be on the lookout for the one who oozes charisma. The charmer believes he is irresistible and will flaunt his achievements, knowledge, sex appeal, and even his bank account. The problem with the charming man is that you are there only to feed his bottomless ego and make him look good. Once he finds that you are a person with feelings and needs of her own, he will destroy your sense of self-worth with verbal outbursts, silent treatment, or both.
The Mama’s Boy
A man who loves and respects his mother is a wonderful thing. A man who is attached to his mother’s hip is another story. While you probably already know to avoid the man living in his mother’s basement, there are other red flags to be aware of. Watch out for the man who feels guilty if he is not doing things her way, falls apart without daily contact, or who regresses into childlike behavior in her presence. You will never measure up in either of their opinions, so why even bother?
Women, by nature, enjoy taking care of others. Occasionally helping your boyfriend becomes problematic when he expects you to pick up his slack or do what he is capable of doing for himself. The user does not want to be seen as a jerk, so his freeloading tactics will build up slowly. He might begin by getting you to pay for most of the dates, complaining that his check was short or an unexpected bill came up. Soon, you may find yourself spotting him $20 to tide him over until payday. The user feels entitled to your bank account, and as his girlfriend you will be expected to cover his rent, bills, and anything else that comes up. For your sake, do not lend him money or combine finances in any way. If the user accuses you of being selfish, cheap, or greedy, it may be time to turn off his cash flow.
Of all the men to be aware of in the dating scene, the trickster is the one who can make you question your sanity the most. A trickster will make you doubt your perception of reality by getting you to second-guess yourself. For example, a trickster may accuse you of being racist even though you have not acted in such a manner. You can spot a trickster by the way you feel around him. If you find yourself going through the stages of “What are you talking about?” to “Maybe you’re right” to “Everything is my fault,” you are involved with a trickster.
Patronizing and condescending, the know-it-all is not a man you want to keep around for long. While there is nothing wrong with a person who is versed in a wide variety of subjects, the know-it-all believes he is an expert on all topics. Men who believe they are subject-matter experts are easy to spot: they are the first ones to interject their opinion in conversations they are not part of, and they have a difficult time accepting when they are wrong. If you suspect a man may be a know-it-all, try asking a few questions to get a deeper sense of whether or not he really knows what he is talking about. If a man cannot talk at length about a certain topic, he is most likely trying to impress you with a facade.
If you find that most of your relationships involve a certain kind of man, it may be a good time to self-reflect and see if there is a reason you are attracted to these types. Always remember that, while certain types of men can be annoying or frustrating, you never have to put up with abuse of any kind. If there is any threat of violence, call the police immediately and seek the help you need to stay safe.