So you have friends who are in relationships and you give them advice from time to time or perhaps all the time…even when they don’t need your advice. You are of course doing this because you want what’s best for them. You have their best interest at heart. But, are you really helping them or meddling in their business? We have a few tips that’ll give you a clue.
- You expect your friends to drop everything when you call them
Sisters over misters, right? You expect your friends to cancel date night with their husbands or boyfriends because you want to go out and have a good time. You expect them to open their home to you whenever you feel like because you are friends. You don’t even call to say you will be dropping by. If this is you then you are a relationship meddler.
What you really don’t understand is when someone gets into a relationship, a lot of things change including the time that they spend with their friends. This is not to say that getting into a relationship means you should stop hanging out with your friends. Not at all.
It just means you have to find time for both your friends and your boyfriends. It would be unfair to give one more priority over the other. So making your friends feel guilty about not hanging out with you when they have their own lives to live makes you a meddler.
- You become judgmental
You can’t believe your friend got pregnant before she was married. You’re judging that friend that moved in with her boyfriend. You can’t believe one of your friends is in an open relationship with her man…what the heck is she thinking?
If your friends choose to get into relationships like that it’s not your place to pressure them or judge them. The moment you start voicing your opinion about their lifestyle choices, you become a meddling friend. Assuming your friends are grown women, they don’t need to hear what you think about where they take their kids to school, what they spend their money on or what they eat.
- You force your help on your friends
Your friend comes to you asking you for advice about her relationship and you give her your honest opinion. After all, didn’t she come to you specifically because you don’t mince your words? But when she doesn’t take your advice, you fly off the handle. You want her to take your advice by force.
You are a relationship meddler because you are always trying to control the situation. You become so emotionally invested in the situation yet you are not part of your friend’s relationship. You keep your nose in her business trying to get as much information as you can.
- You have a different agenda
Do you advice your friend hoping that she’ll break up with her boyfriend and you’ll get to spend more time with her? Does any advice that you give to your friends in relationships have to benefit you in any way? Well, you are a meddler since you are more concerned with the best outcome for yourself and not for your friends.
- You give one sided advice
It’s only natural that when your friend comes to you for advice, you listen to her side of the story and give her advice based on what she tells you. Although you have her best interest at heart, the advice that you give her is likely to harm her relationship and here’s why…
There’s always two sides to a story. She most likely will only tell you her side of the story…making her man look like the bad guy. But if you listened to her man’s side of the story, you’d understand what’s really going on.
Unfortunately sometimes it’s really not possible to hear the man’s side of the story. So if their problems sound really deep (not the shit about leaving his socks everywhere or forgetting to put the trash out at night) you should tell them to see a marriage therapist because their advice would be more objective.
Unless they are in danger, always keep a healthy distance and avoid as much as possible from meddling in other peoples relationships even if they are your ride or die friends.