We have all heard the adage “Once a cheater, always a cheater” but is it true? Relationships that start as a result of an affair have a difficult time of succeeding. One or both parties may have serious trust issues. When you are in the throes of an affair, you might be so excited about your new partner that you fail to think about the end game. If he cheated on his wife, what makes you think he will not eventually do the same thing to you? If you were the one who cheated, once the newness wears off, you may repeat the same mistakes with your new partner.
Affairs that turn into relationships have a hard time maturing. It is vitally important that you both are honest and upfront about why you cheated in the first place. Affairs are usually the cause of something deeper than sex. People who are addicted to the thrill of a new relationship will probably have another affair down the line when the excitement and newness of your relationship wears off. If you have trouble communicating your needs to your partner and resort to an affair as a way to escape or self-sabotage, there is still the risk of this happening again.
Only when two people are clear about what made them stray and have worked toward changing the way they behave in relation to their partner is there any hope that the new relationship will not be doomed to suffer the same fate as the last one.
If you got together with your man while he was still in his previous marriage or relationship, you have to ask yourself if you can really trust him. Is this someone who has the ability to stay committed to one woman for a long period of time? Was he going to leave his wife regardless of his new relationship with you, or is he the type that’s always looking for the next hot thing?
Sometimes leaving a marriage and jumping into a new relationship signals a fear of being alone. Ask yourself if your new relationship is based on mutual understanding and trust or if was simply the catalyst for you to get out of a bad relationship. Many times relationships that began as affairs are doomed, not only because of trust issues but because the parties involved haven’t done the work they need to do on themselves. At the end of the day, there may be a new face on the pillow next to you, but you are still alone with your same old issues.
People have affairs in part because they think the grass is greener on the other side. Once the adrenaline rush that comes with sneaking around and having illicit sex wears off, you may find that you are paired with someone who you are not very compatible with in the long haul. “Typically, people enter an affair because they’re unhappy with their own relationship,” says Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of “The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking.” “While sexual gratification can be a motive, it’s typically more emotionally driven for both men and women. They’re not getting something in their relationship, so they’re seeking it with someone else and aren’t necessarily into the person but rather the attention and feelings of being desired.”
Fulbright says that a relationship that started as an affair can work — but it’s the exception and not the rule.
“Every now and then, an affair is a matter of two star-crossed lovers finally finding each other. They were never the ‘perfect’ match with their spouses or exes and everything works out despite the upheaval of breaking up, divorcing, and pulling families apart.”
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