Relationships often fall apart in the absence of an effort to nurture it. When you start taking your partner and your relationship with him or her for granted, you sow the seeds of an eventual break-up. But are break-ups the final answer, or the ultimate conclusion, of what was once a promising relationship? Far from it. Your relationship with your ex can be resurrected to endure a lifetime if the two of you are willing to work for it. The question, then, is how you go about your goal of getting back with your ex.
Thinking through and acting upon the following course of action would put you on a surer footing as you embark on your journey.
· Do you really want him/her back? It is critical that you be unflinchingly honest with yourself in answering this question. If you are seeking out your ex for superficial and frivolous reasons, chances are it’ll blow up in your face.
On the other hand, when you introspect seriously and figure out genuine reasons to get back with your ex, your words and actions will be imbued with sincerity and purpose. You will be able to face your ex confidently, and communicate your wishes and desires openly, genuinely, calmly and above all, lovingly.
· Introspect on your reasons for falling apart: why couldn’t the two of you make the relationship last? Be mindful that this introspection is not an opportunity to restart the blame games that are all-to-common in relationships gone sour. This is, instead, your chance to figure out why the spark went out of the relationship, whether you and your ex could have done different things, whether the two of you were too focused on each other’s negativeness etc. once you reach at the root cause behind the apathy and neglect that made your relationship run dry, you’ll be in a stronger position to prevent a repeat.
· Reach out: one of the biggest causes that prevents people from reconciling with their ex is their own ego. There is a pervasive belief that approaching your estranged partner is a sign of guilt and weakness. They believe that approaching their ex would tantamount to an implied admission of the responsibility for break-up. This, of course, is a thoroughly mistaken, unwarranted, and unhelpful assumption. You should reach out, after you have found the right reasons for it as mentioned above, because you still care about your ex. Because you want to be together with him or her and feel that both of you enrich each other’s lives.
Reaching out, far from being an admission of guilt, means that you are prepared to take the initiative to put things right. You should courageously tell your ex that you have been thinking about him or her and find out if your ex reciprocates your feelings. Take care, however, that you do so in a friendly atmosphere, perhaps over a coffee. Remind your ex why he or she fell in love with you – subtly and on a subconscious level of course! Perhaps you should wear something your ex loves you in. Even more importantly, recall the person your ex fell in love with and be that person again.
· Move on: Sometimes, even your best efforts are not enough to get the two of you together. There is nothing you can do except accepting that things couldn’t work out between the two of you, and move on. Focus your energies on your work, studies, and hobbies instead of torturing yourself over your ex.
Distracting yourself in such cases has a therapeutic value, and you’ll soon discover there’s a whole world waiting for you to explore. Wear different clothes, do things you haven’t tried before and the chances are, your ex might just start wondering if she or he was wise to let you go.
by James S
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