“But I love him” is never an acceptable reason for staying in a bad relationship.
No matter how much in love you are, maintaining a relationship or marriage is hard work. No big reveal there, huh? You need patience, love, understanding, communication, and respect to make it all work and ensure few arguments. Essentially, these are the things you promised each other when you got married, but sometimes these promises get lost or forgotten. Thousands of people make a living out of giving relationship advice, and useful advice is usually the most simple.
Whether you have been married for one day or 20 years, there are some things that you simply should not accept in your relationship with your partner. Here are 14 things that you should definitely not be tolerating in your relationship.
1. Made to feel belittled
Rarely does your partner’s situation mirrors your own. It doesn’t matter if you are from opposite sides of the track, if one partner has a better job, more education, or more opportunities, these situations should not matter if you are truly in love and committed to each other. If your partner constantly rubs these details in your face and belittles your decisions and your career plans or ambitions, you should not tolerate this because it is disastrous for a marriage.
2. Mental and verbal abuse
One of the biggest red flags in a marriage in when your partner abuses you mentally and verbally, which is just as bad as physical abuse. It can signal the death of your confidence, independence, and ability to hold your own in society. Yelling at you, humiliating you, calling you names, or ridiculing you are all considered part of the definition of verbal and mental abuse.
3. Intolerance towards your friends
Even though you are married, that doesn’t mean your friends should be discarded. Maintaining your friendships before the marriage is still a necessity. If your partner becomes jealous when you see your friends or makes it evident that they don’t like you seeing them, it means that you have to put your foot down or forever be told who you can and cannot have in your life.
4. Physical abuse
Physical violence is probably one of the most obvious signs that your marriage is on the verge of being un-salvageable. There is NO excuse! Your spouse should not be hitting you or physically harming you in any way.
5. Public ridicule
There is nothing more humiliating than being ridiculed and made fun of in public, especially when it’s coming from your own spouse. As a married couple, you should act as a team in front of your family, friends, and acquaintances. When one partner initiates humor at the expense of the other, it signifies something is gravely wrong with the very foundation of the relationship.
6. “King of the Castle”
Unfortunately, some men seem to take the term “man of the house” to heart and assume it is their right to dominate over their partners and make all the decisions. In some cases, even some women seem to abuse their authority and downplay their husbands when it comes to taking care of the house and the family. This should not be tolerated under any circumstances, attempting to dominate your partner is not healthy.
7. Selfishness in bed
Sex and intimacy is key to maintaining a solid bond as husband and wife. If you want sound marriage advice, here it goes: you and your partner should cultivate an exciting sex life, and should be very communicative and understanding with each other about your wants and needs in this area.
There is one thing that you have to understand completely – even though you are a married couple, you are both independent and individual adults. If one person starts becoming overly suspicious or calls every 10 minutes to check up on what the other is doing, this is not a healthy pattern of behavior and in some instances can be enough to end a perfectly good marriage between two people.
9. Constant exasperation
No one wants to be seen as a nuisance, so patience is something that is essential if you want a happy married life. The opposite of patience, however, exasperation, is something that is very disheartening and discouraging to the person who is on the receiving end of it. No matter what the situation is, your spouse should never get exasperated with you. If they do, you should not stand for it and work together to resolve this issue.
10. A feeling of abandonment
A lot of marriage counselors have tried to help husbands and wives who feel like they have been abandoned by their spouses, for whatever reason they may cite. No matter how long you have been married to each other, it is important that you make each other feel wanted and important. You may feel abandoned when your partner starts to take you for granted, which is not a very good thing either and should definitely not be tolerated.
11. Wrongful accusations
Whether the accusations are as simple as forgetting to turn off the lights or something as serious as cheating on your spouse, you should never let your partner wrongfully accuse you of something you didn’t do. Most of the time, people do this to shift the blame from themselves when they are the ones who are actually at fault. It is fatal to your mental health if you yield to this sort of abuse.
Being married does not give your spouse the right to criticize your appearance or make you feel miserable about yourself. Body shaming occurs when someone calls you rude names based on how you look. They may say you are “too fat” or “too skinny” or tell you that you need “more makeup” or constantly point out your flaws, which is disgusting. Constantly judging you for the number of sexual partners that you have had in the past is another form of shaming that you should not tolerate, whether you are married or not.
13. Flirting with other people
It’s normal if your partner notices attractive people. However, there is a difference in appreciating other people from a safe distance, and taking their appreciation one step further by flirting with them, despite being married you. If you see that they are going all out with their flirting, you have to put your foot down.
Lying is nothing but a prelude to much more serious problems, such as cheating. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and you have to trust each other completely to maintain a healthy and successful marital life. When you see your husband is constantly lying to you, whether, about small things or big things, you should realize that they are probably doing something else wrong.
In most relationships there are red flags that indicate something is wrong, do not turn a blind eye to these signs. Doing so can hinder your peace of mind, dignity, and your marriage. If your spouse cannot maintain basic etiquette and treatment that everyone deserves, then there is no point continuing and subjecting yourself to that sort of torture.
How you remedy the problems is up to you. Communication, counseling or therapy could bring about positive change. But if they don’t work drastic measures may be necessary. However, it is undeniable that you should not sit back and tolerate negative or even abusive behaviors that are occurring in your marriage. – C. Sky