You’ve got to forge a brave path to your love.
There are some people who love being single and live their lives fully enjoying their singleness, and they’re unapologetic about it. These people can be thought of as “single at heart.” Other people may be single for the moment, but want a relationship that will grow into a full commitment.
For the ones who are pursuing a romantic relationship, there are two ways to find love: coming from a position of strength, or from a sense of fear. Those who are afraid of being single run the the risk of settling because they fear a single person’s life and dread being “alone.”
But someone coming from a position of strength while seeking a romantic relationship means adding value to their lives. They’re not afraid of being single and they feel they must get something positive from a romantic relationship.
I’ve been trying to convince people that we need to take a stand against all of the stereotyping and stigmatizing of single people. If single life were regarded as being just as valid as coupled life, then people would approach romantic relationships from a position of strength.
In a study that supports this theory, a team of psychologists at the University of Toronto published results on their research in which they measured people’s fears (or lack of fear) of being single. They looked at how that fear mattered to their everyday lives. And did it matter!
The researchers asked their subjects to think about the extent of being alone (without a romantic partner). Slightly more people (39%) said explicitly that they don’t fear to be alone than those who did (37%).
From responses received, the researchers created a scale to measure people’s fears, including items like:
“It scares me there might not be anyone out there for me.”
“If I end up alone in life, I will probably feel that there’s something wrong with me.”
“I feel anxious when I think about being single forever.”
They wondered whether these fearful people would think they’d be happier in a bad relationship rather than being alone. They also asked if people, who were either in a relationship or not, about their loneliness and depression.
The people who are afraid of being single weren’t any less depressed or lonely than they were in unsatisfying relationships, as opposed to being single.
This personality profiles of people who are unafraid of being single were marked by strength and security in who they are. They aren’t likely to be depressed or lonely. They aren’t too sensitive about rejection or getting their feelings hurt. Nor does their self-esteem depend on their romantic partner, or how well such a relationship is going.
People that are unafraid of being single are less neurotic than their peers, who are busy being afraid of being single. They also are more open and extroverted. In the study, this group of people said things like, “Regardless of whether I have a significant other or not in the future, I will always have people who love me and who I love,” and, “Having company is not the same as being fulfilled as a person.”
The study found that people who were in romantic relationships were very dependent upon their partners. People who aren’t afraid of being single aren’t afraid to initiate breakups. People who are afraid will more often stay in bad relationships.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, on the other hand, then feeling that way about your partner makes sense in a certain way. But if it’s not, and you know it, and you still can’t leave, then you’re probably dependent on your partner.
If this is you, realize that you don’t need to settle; you may just think you do. – C. Sky