No matter how much you love your significant other and how committed you are to the relationship, you might, at some stage, find yourself attracted to someone else. Such feelings can be very unsettling and guilt-inducing, and may cause you to question yourself and your relationship.
The first thing to keep in mind when something like this happens is not to beat yourself up over feelings that you can’t control. You’re human and you can’t help it if someone has caught your eye. What’s really going to be important is how you act and what you choose to do about your attraction.
If you’re attracted to someone else, then there are three main courses of action that you can take:
1) When you shouldn’t feel guilty or worry too much
Developing an attraction to someone else does not, by any means, have to spell doom for your relationship. If it hasn’t diminished your feelings for your partner and if you have absolutely no intention of ever being unfaithful, then it likely won’t affect your relationship much.
If you simply think that someone else is a “hotie” and enjoy seeing them from time to time, whether it be at work, at school, or wherever it is that you know them from, then leave it at that. It would probably be in your best interest not to pursue spending any additional time with them, but you don’t have to run away in fear every time you see them.
If you are secure, confident, and happy in your relationship, then chances are that your attraction will simply fade over time.
2) When you should take steps to put a stop to your attraction
Maybe you have no intention of cheating on your significant other and you are still very much in love with them, but thoughts of your attraction preoccupy your mind to the extent that it actually begins to take a toll on your relationship. Perhaps you don’t give your partner as much attention as you used to, or you simply feel too much guilt whenever you are with them.
In this case, you will likely need to do more than just hope that your attraction fades with time, and actually take some steps to ensure that it does. The best way to put a stop to your feelings is to distance yourself from the person that you are attracted to. Try to avoid places that you know they will be and to keep from having too much contact with them.
Avoiding your attraction like this may be difficult, particularly if the two of you work or study closely together, but you need to be willing to create this distance if you want your attraction to stop impacting your relationship.
3) When you should honestly reconsider your relationship
If your attraction develops to the point where you think you might be unfaithful if the opportunity to cheat ever presented itself, then you need to take a long and honest look at whether or not you should stay in your relationship anymore.
Make sure that you put an end to things with your partner before pursuing anything with the person you are attracted to. Ending your relationship will likely be messy and difficult, but failing to be honest and potentially cheating on your significant other would be even more difficult for everyone involved.
It’s rarely fun to develop strong feelings for someone else while already in a relationship, but if these feelings become too deep to ignore, then it could be a sign that your relationship isn’t right for you anymore.
If you’re brave enough to be honest with yourself and with your partner, then, no matter how difficult the process may be, things will eventually sort themselves out and you will be much happier for it in the long run.