When should you walk away…?

Many women find themselves in the following situation at some point in a relationship. Trying to decide if it’s worth the effort to try and salvage a relationship or to cut your losses and move on.  This can be a heart breaking decision and even though ultimately the decision is yours to make, having someone to help you out a little doesn’t hurt.

This is a question that someone asked Carlos, a relationship coach:

Carlos, We had ‘the talk’ after about 5 months of dating and I asked Adrian where “he saw me in his life” and he said he couldn’t tell me. If I had watched your video first, I wouldn’t had asked the question.

It came out that because I was a vegetarian this was a big issue for him. We have been away together and both had a good time. He always said after we have been on a date that he had fun. After the talk, I hadn’t heard from him for 3 weeks so I rang him and asked him on an ‘Ultimate Date’.

During ‘the talk’ he had said that he wanted to cook a meal together. He also had told me his passion is sailing. I bought some exotic Asian fruit and vegetables and he came over and we prepared a meal together.

At the end of the evening, I asked him if he wanted to come in for a cup of tea and he said no and went home. He didn’t contact me after the date.

He seems to keep himself busy going away on weekends, long bike rides and building projects. I was going to ask him out on another ultimate date but he said he was going skiing with his brother. It turned out there was no snow so they didn’t go and he stayed at home & worked on a boat.

He didn’t contact me to say he wasn’t going so he could go out with me. He is going away with his friends for a week skiing.

He said that he may go to Paris for a vacation later this month.

His weekends are filled going bike riding. Skiing, traveling & bike riding are all my interests as well. Should I ask him ‘do you want me to keep contacting you?’ or ‘are you just being kind and not trying to hurt me by letting me contact you?’ or “are you seeing someone else and do you want me to stop contacting you?”.

Or should I just do nothing and not contact him?  Do you have any advice or insight into this situation? -B

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Carlos Answers:

B – I think the problem is the posture you’ve set in your relationship right now. It sounds like you’ve let it become ALL about him and his activities.

And even if it’s not, he’s doing enough things without you that he’s already telling you what kind of priority he puts on your relationship.

If he’s not initiating contact with you, and you’re doing this work – you’ve essentially taken over the CHASE that he needs to be initiating.

No, don’t ask him ANYTHING. Any conversation you have with him right now is just going to be another variation of the “Where is this going?” talk, and it will further freak him out.

He’s keeping you around as his BTN (Better Than Nothing).

His little fan club he can hit up when he’s bored. And honestly, it doesn’t seem that he’s interested at all right now.

1) Cut off contact with him. I’d go so far as to say: mentally (and literally) break up with him.

2) Start seeing other guys right away.

3) He may or may not come back around. But if he does, and you seriously want to consider it, you’re going to have to COMPLETELY change the dynamics between you.

Because even if you can’t salvage this situation (and honestly, there’s not much here to work on) you need to know what mistakes NOT to make in the next one, right?

-Carlos

Don’t make the same mistakes that B made, or other mistakes that can destroy a relationship.  Click here and watch this video presentation that can get your relationship on the right path.